Reflections on the 2007 Thus Far

OK, it's a little early to reflect on the entire year, but I need to exorcise this stuff. A lot of this is hindsight and really seeing things that I didn't notice while I was going through it. I'm very good at that, because I need time to think about things and analyze them before I really see them.

I had my first post divorce DBF this year. At first things were great he was a lot of fun and we did a lot of things together. Then he started to get moody and upset when my kids needed me, or my friends needed me or when I didn't agree with him. While my kids were visiting their dad everything was great, in that I could spend all my free time on him, which is what he needed. We spent a ton of time together and had a lot of fun as neither of us had any other responsibilities outside of work. I told him that when the kids came home this was going to change, and that's when things started going down hill.

He became more needy and more grouchy.nasty and we had our first big blowout when the Atlanta Braves were in town. He made an obnoxious comment "trying to be funny" well because of situations that he wasn't aware of, it was anything but funny, and I got mad. We ended up going to the game together, separately. After that I told him I didn't want to date him anymore, he cried and whined and promised to improve. Thus started the two month cycle I've been living since then.

THen he had a bad ear infection, which caused him to be nasty, mean, pouty and sulky. I can understand you're not as much fun when you don't feel good, but he never apologized for it, simply wrote it off to his excuse of not feeling good. So I didn't completely break it off again, but I felt more and more that this was not something I wanted for the rest of my life and distanced myself from him more and more. I started my new job, which cut into my time for everything (kids, me, friends and dating). He struggled with the fact that I wasn't as available and got worse. I distance further to the point where we only talked a little each day and spent less time together.

Finally we had the big blow out last Friday, when I told him I wasn't sure what I could do over the weekend due to needing to be here because the kids had misbehaved badly. He decided to break up with me and that was fine. We spent the weekend apart and didn't really talk, but by Sunday afternoon he'd texted me with a "crisis" these always happen when we're having difficulties, adn I'm a softie and would normally comfort him. I texted him back that the people who were more directly involved in this one were in my prayers...nothing about him though. He started back on the I want to talk stuff, but never seemed to have time to talk when I could. I wasn't trying to be difficult (ok maybe I was a little) but needless to say I had commitments to the kids and things I wanted to do this weekend. So Friday night we talked on the phone a little and he got downright nasty with me and directly at me.

I haven't heard from him since and hope I never do, although I suspect that like a bad penny, he'll turn up again. My mom and kids are concerned about my physical well-being, but I'm more concerned about the damage he did emotionally. Everything I'd built for myself emotionally since leaving XH got torn down Friday night and I'm struggling with all of that stuff again. I know that a lot of it was just stuff he threw out because he was hurting (he thought I had a new BF because I told him I had dinner plans!), but it still hurt a lot! My dinner plans were with my kids, as it was one of DS's school fundraiser nights at one of the local take out restaurants!

To top all this off, DD has her first real BF, and they're so cute, but it's really hard right now with my remembering how nice it was to be held by someone I thought really cared abotu me. Now I think that he cared about me only to the extent that I was an extension of him and not my own person. He supposedly has a new GF already, and I truly feel sorry for her unless this is the life she wants. He's talked about moving back to Atlanta, and taking his DS from the grandmother's house where he's been living this year. I feel even worse for his DS, who's really a cute kid, but has a lot of issues due to what's gone on in his life. The kid needs security, stability and lots of love, which he doesn't get from his dad.

I did learn that if you give a conceited egotist enough chance to talk about themselves (your only choice) you'll catch lots of inconsistencies in their stories!